


We both go slow

by Ilrona



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Anal Sex, But then everything works out, First Time, Hux underestimates Kylo Ren’s dick at first, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-08 23:34:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7777984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ilrona/pseuds/Ilrona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the destruction of Starkiller Base and just before going to Snoke, Hux finds out that Ren – just like Hux himself – is still a virgin. With the uncertain possibility of death for their failures, they decide they might as well experience sex for the first (and hopefully not the last) time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We both go slow

**Author's Note:**

> For [this prompt](http://tfa-kink.dreamwidth.org/4613.html?thread=10757893#cmt10757893) at the TFA kink meme.
> 
> Title is from the lyrics of ‘Dried-Out Cities’ by Fallulah.

The new, raw pink scar on Ren’s face is a bit longer than Hux expected. It doesn’t look infected. Will it be more noticeable, Hux wonders, when it becomes older? He has no idea how a lightsaber scar works – will it be darker, will it turn white?

“I can go to the Supreme Leader now.”

Hux nods. Seeing Ren in his quarters, without his robe and mask, is weird, unfamiliar. Slightly unsettling, even. “Do your wounds hurt?”

“Not anymore, but they used to. But that was a good thing. It sped up my recovery. With the Force, I can help my body heal faster, using the pain as a fuel.”

That sounds absurd, but it's not like Hux expects anything normal from the leader of the Knights of Ren. “If pain strengthens you, does pleasure make you weak?”

Ren seems to think about it very seriously, like he’s some sort of scholar, which is a ridiculous idea. Though perhaps Ren spends his free time, after he’s done cutting down his foes and making life harder for the crew of the Finalizer, reading ancient Sith legends. Hux doesn’t know anything about Ren he doesn’t need to as his co-commander.

“There isn’t a dichotomy that claims pain is Dark and pleasure is Light. The Jedi were celibate, and they also weren’t hedonists when it came to indulging in pleasures other than lust. But the Dark doesn’t really encourage pleasure either. Though, of course, it must be asked: what is pain and what is pleasure? There’s physical and emotional pain and pleasure, positive and negative feelings, and different societies may consider different things to be one or the other.”

Hux should leave – he doesn’t need to listen to Ren babble about Force nonsense.

“I’m not like ordinary people,” Ren adds, so proud it’s bordering on smug. “I dedicate my life to the Force, instead of chasing after fleeting moments of useless delights. I’ve never even had sex before.”

Hux snorts.

“That’s not something to brag about. You aren’t better than ordinary people just because you’re a virgin,” Hux spits the phrase ‘ordinary people’ out with distaste, because he’s sure Ren means everyone who isn’t a Force-user, including all the hard-working members of the First Order – Hux among them. “Not having sex makes you neither worse nor better than others.” Then, because Hux has already given up trying to control or even make sense of this bizarre discussion, he blurts out: “I’m a virgin as well.”

Ren raises his eyebrows.

“When I’m aroused, I deal with it on my own. I don’t want to be blackmailed, or have sex with a subordinate who feels like they can’t say no. Though I…” Hux swallows, a part of his mind, the reasonable part, screaming at him to shut up, but then he thinks: _oh, fuck it_. “I’m starting to regret it a little bit now. I don’t exactly want to die without trying it out.”

“Why would you die, Hux?”

Ren looks taken aback, and there’s perhaps even a shadow of worry on his expression, though maybe Hux is just imagining that.

“Because of the destruction of Starkiller. Snoke may decide that I’m still needed, but if not…”

“He may kill me too,” Ren says, so quietly Hux can barely hear him.

“He made me risk my life to save you. He wants you alive, Ren.”

Ren sighs. It sounds so forlorn Hux’s heart clenches painfully. He should gloat over his arrogant rival being so unsure, but since Hux is just as uncertain about his own fate he feels only sympathy now.

“Because he thinks I can become stronger with his guidance and training. And I hope I can. I know I’m very strong with the Force. But what happened on Starkiller made me doubt my abilities and my…  If I fail again, it’s possible he will get rid of me.”

Hux is brilliant at planning and strategizing: he wouldn’t have become a general so young otherwise.

But now he seems to have lost the ability to guess the future. He thinks, slightly hysterically, that it’s just as likely that he will become the Emperor in a few years as it is that he will die in a few days, executed by Snoke for his failure to protect the base.

He remembers dry-heaving after the destruction of the Hosnian system, alone in his quarters, closing his eyes and seeing the clouds painted red. He tried to imagine that incredible power tearing into the dark fabric of space, then tearing into the planets, a destruction that was impossible to hide or run from. An absolute, perfect victory. The New Republic was annihilated.

Except it wasn’t so absolute and perfect that the Resistance couldn’t strike back and destroy Starkiller, turning so many years and so many credits, the First Order’s greatest weapon into nothing.

Nobody, not even Hux, should have to deal with such changes so quickly, with so little time to even truly understand what happened, let alone try to figure out and prepare for what will happen next.

All this uncertainty makes him reckless.

“We could have sex.”

Hux feels, absurdly, a small sense of accomplishment when Ren nods.

He cleans himself in Ren’s refresher, even more thoroughly than usual, though Ren probably won’t lick his ears or his toes. He has a flicker of doubt several times while he fingers his ass open. It’s not like his life isn’t already filled with incredible achievements – Starkiller, the destruction of the Senate and the fleet, the successful stormtrooper program (except for that one, fatal mistake), and he’s a general, a commander. Compared to these, taking Kylo Ren’s cock isn’t such a big thing.

But sometimes, when Hux is alone, fingers in his ass – like now, except it’s sure a lot more comfortable on his own bed than standing in Ren’s refresher – he thinks about Ren. How one of their arguments would lead to Ren pounding him roughly, and Hux would feel caught and overwhelmed and love it more than anything, pressed between the wall of the empty corridor and Ren’s powerful body. It would be nice to have sex with Ren in reality, too. 

When he leaves the refresher, Ren is naked except for a grey, loose shirt. Perhaps the scars on his torso are so ugly he’s afraid Hux would be turned off by them. Hux glances down: Ren’s feet are bare, huge and almost as pale as Hux’s. His eyes wander up. Ren’s erection looks huge as well, or at least bigger than Hux’s.

Ren’s body, unlike Hux’s, is impressive even without his clothes, and even with so many wounds, both old and new. Especially with them: Hux is pretty sure he would have died instantly just from the bowcaster, but Ren managed to collect several lightsaber wounds after that and, though he lost, he’s still alive and well.

They collide clumsily, then their bodies press against each other. Hux marvels at the feeling of the surprisingly intense warmth of another person’s body. He always tries to avoid brushing against any member of his crew. He hates it when Ren moves into his personal space to threaten and mock him, but this isn’t like that. Though it’s a new sensation, it’s not at all unpleasant.

It makes a knot of nervous lust harden in his stomach, his already half-hard cock stiffening a bit more.

Previously, when Ren was too close to him, Hux sometimes caught a whiff of smoke or even blood: Ren just back from his mission.

Now, Ren smells like the First Order’s cheap soap and bacta – maybe Ren has to smear some onto his scars every day, perhaps even every few hours. Under these smells, there’s something else, something human, the scent of Ren’s body. Hux wants to sniff to take even more of Ren’s scent into his nose. But it would be embarrassing if Ren noticed. Somehow the idea of sniffing Ren like some stupid beast makes him more flustered than thinking about Ren’s cock pushing into his ass.

There was a holoporn Hux watched once, a long time ago when he was still a cadet. It was about the honeymoon of a pair of Imperial officers, and he remembers one of them taking the other into his arms and carrying her to the bed, gently lowering her until her back touched the mattress. Hux isn’t sure why he thinks about it now.

They walk to the bed, then Hux tells Ren to lie on his back, surprised but glad when Ren obeys without protest. He straddles Ren.

“Won’t fucking me mess with the Dark in you or whatever?”

Ren laughs meanly. Not exactly the sound one wants to hear just before losing their virginity. “Don’t flatter yourself, General.”

Ren didn’t just look big, he is big. Too big. Hux frowns and closes his eyes briefly as he tries to sink down more, but it’s not just uncomfortable: it hurts. Hux can’t even guess how much of Ren’s dick is already inside him. Half of it, but maybe that’s just wistful thinking. He starts to doubt whether this will work, but he won’t give up–

“Hux,” Ren grits out, his eyes half-lidded. Hux wonders if it hurts Ren too – he has thought it would always feel good for the one who does the penetration, but perhaps Hux trying to force his too tight hole down onto his erection is unpleasant for Ren too, similar to how it feels to wear a too small glove.

Ren’s big hands clamp down on his hips, and for a terrible moment he thinks Ren will push him down, impale Hux onto his cock ruthlessly, not caring about Hux’s pain. Instead, Ren pulls him off as if he weights nothing, his cock leaving Hux’s body. Ren grunts, either in disappointment or relief. Hux knows that his own little moan is purely relief.

“How did you prepare yourself?” It’s criticism. Hux can recognize it as Ren does it a lot, usually about the stormtroopers or Hux’s lack of actual combat experience. But now there’s also something softer in his voice, which Hux has not heard from Ren (or, well, anyone) before.

“Like I always do. Two fingers. I used a lot of lube.”

“Two fingers,” Ren scoffs. “That’s not enough.”

No, Hux realizes. It’s enough when he’s alone, but not if he wants to take Ren’s dick.

Hux isn’t fond of admitting his incompetence, but he always takes responsibility for his mistakes.

“I’ll go back to the refresher and use three fingers this time,” Hux says, not looking at Ren.

“My fingers are bigger,” Ren says quickly, raising said fingers in front of Hux’s face and wiggling them, the ridiculous gesture drawing Hux’s eyes to his hand. “Let me.”

Ren fingers Hux more open slowly and carefully, but with no unneeded affection, no sweet words or kisses. It feels like preparation for a medical procedure. The first two fingers slide in easily, and Hux moans quietly. It’s not that different from how his own fingers feel, though it’s clear Ren is not as familiar with Hux’s ass as Hux is.

Hux usually doesn’t tease himself. Once he has two fingers in he finds his prostate: it gives him an orgasm quickly every time. Ren seems to be unable to decide either the depth or the rhythm of his thrusts, especially after he gets the third finger in. His fingers sometimes push, sometimes scissor, entirely unpredictable, sometimes just rub against Hux’s inner walls, like Ren’s enjoying the feeling of the texture under his fingertips.

“You should be on your back.” Ren pulls his fingers out and reaches for the lube, pours a lot onto his erection. They forgot to do that before the first try, Hux realizes. “I think that would be easier. And your weak thighs would get tired of riding me before either of us comes.”

“Fuck off, Ren.” Hux kicks Ren’s hips – not the side where the bowcaster wound is – as hard as he can with his heel. Ren hardly even flinches. “Come on, do it.”

It’s easier now. Hux is prepared better, there’s more lube, and Ren wraps a hand around Hux’s cock and starts to coax him into full hardness when Hux tenses up when he feels the head of Ren’s dick against his hole again. The pleasure that sparks through Hux’s veins from Ren’s sloppy strokes is welcome as Ren’s cock presses its way into him. There’s discomfort and some resistance, but it doesn’t hurt now, and Hux is distracted by how Ren’s somewhat clumsy but still amazing hand on his cock feels – not, of course, that he can ignore that there’s a dick in his ass, but he can take it this time.

Ren looks shocked, his eyes wide open as if seeing a great secret revealed only to him.

It’s a relief that this is just as overwhelming for Ren. Ren is in completely now, and Hux feels so full. It makes him giddy. He’s victorious. No. Ren had a huge part in this too. This is _their_ victory, a battle – insignificant in the grand scheme of things, of course, but a battle with such sweet spoils – fought together and won.

If only they could have worked together so well before, perhaps they would still have Starkiller.

He wants to think Ren fucks him so slowly because of his own inexperience, or because he’s afraid of accidentally opening the wound on his stomach and spilling his guts onto Hux if he moved more vigorously. But maybe Ren is also slow – gentle, almost – because he doesn’t want to hurt Hux.

They could have had this for five years, Hux thinks, his heart filling and filling with something bitter until he thinks it will burst. A lot more than this. They could have taught each other a million different ways of giving and receiving pleasure. He imagines kissing Ren’s scarred back while thrusting into him, making Ren choke on his dick and smirking at the warm arousal in Ren's eyes as he looks up at Hux, a quick, sweet handjob before going to the bridge, waking up to Ren’s insistent erection resting against the curve of his ass–

“Don’t be silent,” Ren whispers. “If I hear your moans, they help me know when it feels good for you. Give them to me so they can guide me, teach me how to fuck you better.”

The first sound Ren’s body tears out of his throat is only a quiet whimper, but Ren smiles like it’s some miraculous gift. Hux wants to scoff, but Ren pushes into him, deeper than before, more confident though still slow, and the scoff turns into a shameless groan as Hux greedily clenches around the hard length.

He loves the heat of Ren’s skin on his neck as Hux clings to him, a little raised scar under his palm – it can’t be from Starkiller, it must be from an earlier fight, perhaps many years old. Hux moans as he thinks that Ren likely slaughtered all his enemies, and his cock throbs. Ren’s hair – softer than expected, probably freshly washed – tickles his fingers.

He starts to be afraid that it will be hard to forget the stretch of Ren’s dick, to thrust his fingers into his ass and not wish for Ren instead. Not even three fingers will be enough. With fingers it feels like there’s always some space left, but Ren’s huge cock seems to fill him completely.

Maybe he could buy a toy – but that would be an admission that this one fuck, the first fuck of his life, changed something in him irrevocably, rearranged a piece of him. That what used to be enough for almost two decades is suddenly inadequate. And no toy would feel like this. No toy would look at Hux with eyes hot with lust and a smile that ignites a strange warm feeling in his chest.

“Oh.” His hips move to meet Ren’s every thrust, his body now accepts Ren’s cock with nothing but delight. “Oh, please, Ren.” He has no idea where the desperation trembling in the pleading words comes from. He wants to convince himself it’s put there by some wicked outside power, Ren’s Force, most likely, but he knows it’s all him, only him. He wants Ren so much. “You can go harder, be rougher with me. I can take it now.”

Ren just shakes his head, then pulls out suddenly, so quickly Hux hisses in discomfort. Hux raises his hips: begging to have that magnificent cock back in him. He needs a few moments to recover enough to spit out a weak, barely audible _Ren, what?_

Ren wraps a hand around his own dick and strokes it once, twice, then spills his come all over the sheet. Hux stares at it until he realizes that he has seen the spectacle of an ejaculating cock a lot, even if only his own, but not someone’s face during orgasm.

Ren looks surprisingly subdued for such a dramatic, volatile person, his face serene, eyes gently closed as if listening to a lovely song instead of being tossed on the waves of ecstasy. Then Ren moans, and it’s the hottest sound Hux has ever heard. If he could record it, he would listen to it whenever he touches himself, his fingers trying to imitate Ren’s thrusts, and he could imagine that Ren is there with him, fucking him, moaning into his ear.

“You could have come in me, Ren.”

Ren snorts like he’s amused, but Hux can see something like regret in the tight press of his lips before he answers. “I thought you wouldn’t want that. That it would be too messy for you.”

Hux sighs. It doesn’t matter now. In a way, he’s touched by Ren refusing to do something he believed Hux would hate – except, Hux thinks, a wistful shiver running through his limbs, he wouldn’t have hated Ren’s warm come making a mess of his hole.

“Well, come help me.” Hux holds his arms towards Ren, and Ren scrambles to lie on top of him. It feels so good, Ren’s body heavy like a blast door. Hux feels caught and overwhelmed and loves it more than anything, pressed between the mattress and Ren’s powerful body. His fingers around Hux’s aching cock move with the same graceless, sloppy strokes he gave Hux while tentatively pressing his cock into him for the first time.

Hux moans, and the moan turns into a muffled whine when Ren leans down to kiss him. Hux’s first thought is that he should want to tear Ren’s mouth apart, bite down on his tongue, wish for the ability to spit painful poison into his mouth like that alien species Hux can’t recall the name of. Isn’t Ren, that formidable black specter, the worst thing on the Finalizer? Doesn't Hux hate him?

But Ren fucked him so well, and was so careful with him – why should Hux kiss him with anything but gentle lust now?

The orgasm itself, when it knocks into him as Ren licks his lower lip, feels very similar to when he gets off on his own. Hux tries to instead focus on kissing Ren slowly: the wet warmth of his pliant, soft mouth, the scent above and around him Hux wishes he could capture and keep with him for the later lonely days (if, Hux suddenly thinks, he stays alive), the big, clumsy but still wonderful hand on his cock. Then the kiss breaks, and all that remains are the little puffs of breath against his chin as Ren wrings the last drops of semen out of his twitching cock with his hand.

The satisfaction of his orgasm evaporates quickly after that. Ren remains, fallen onto the bed, his broad chest falling and rising quickly as if he just had a second orgasm with Hux.

Hux glances at Ren’s soft cock and the white mess of Hux’s come on his shirt. Somehow it feels a bit like taking advantage, stealing some secret thing. But Ren isn’t shooing him away. He doesn’t seem to be ashamed of his naked body and the evidence of Hux’s pleasure on him. It’s like Ren is marked by it, by him, Hux thinks with a little shiver. He wishes once again that Ren would have come inside him.

“Why weren’t you rougher with me? I wasn’t still too tight.”

Ren rolls towards him, and moves their bodies until his front is pressed to Hux’s back – Hux grimaces when he realizes that means Ren might smear Hux’s come onto the small of his back, but he doesn’t pull away. One huge, warm palm rests on his stomach. It takes Hux several seconds of racking his brains to remember that this is the position others call ‘spooning’.

“I’m not used to touching someone without the intention of killing or torturing. When you were lying there on your back, showing off your vulnerable stomach, it made me think that I could very easily take your life now.” The hand on Hux’s stomach twitches, then falls onto the sheet. “You looked so uncomfortable when you were trying to sit onto my dick, and I thought I could just force my way in with one brutal thrust. But that wasn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want to hurt you. That's why I wanted to do it slowly.”

Hux swallows. “You’re awful at post-coital pillow talk, but I forgive you because this was your first time.”

“You’re not afraid of me.”

“No.” It’s only a half-truth: Hux is afraid of Snoke ordering Ren to execute him. Before, Hux would have found the idea annoying, one last victory of his horrible rival over him. But now, after knowing how gentle Ren’s hands can be, how much pleasure they can give, Hux feels nauseous just thinking about them holding the lightsaber to end his life. “I never expected you to kill me while having sex. That just… didn’t cross my mind.”

He feels warm breath caress the back of his neck, like Ren let out a relieved sigh. “Good.” Then, sounding exactly like someone who just had sex for the first time: “Was it… good? I mean, the sex?”

“This is the first time you care about what I think.”

“That’s not true.” When Hux just scoffs, Ren pulls him closer, his arms holding Hux tight. Hux doesn’t feel threatened, despite Ren’s earlier creepy words. “I didn’t do every mission exactly like you wanted me to, but only because my methods were better. And you always criticized me when I failed, but when I succeeded, you never thanked me. Do you remember that thorilide mine that used to be full of smugglers, for example? Without me, the First Order wouldn’t have it.” Hux is sure they would have won even without Kylo Ren, but it could have taken weeks and many dead soldiers. Ren was done in a day. “And it would have been nice if you… looked at me with a smile, or grasped my hand, or whatever you do to show your gratitude.”

Hux, to hide the undecipherable feeling twisting in his stomach, tries to be mocking: “Should I have fallen to my knees and sucked your cock too, to thank you?”

When there’s only silence as an answer, Ren’s body going surprisingly rigid behind him, Hux realizes that he wasn’t the only one fantasizing about his co-commander. It’s convenient to insist in his head that they fucked because there was no one else and they were both virgins with the uncertain threat of death hanging above their head, and so, why not? But…

“I’m sorry,” Hux says. If he could give his body, his virginity (not that he considers them to be great treasures) to Ren, he might as well give him an apology too. “You’re right. We could have had a less antagonistic relationship. We are on the same side of this war, after all. Perhaps we wouldn’t have lost Starkiller if we could have communicated better, trusted each other more…”

Hux falls silent. He should focus on the future, not on the past. So what if they could have spent the five years they had know each other as friends and lovers, instead of what they actually had?

It’s quite possible he won’t see Ren ever again after they leave Snoke and Ren remains with him. Even if they both stay alive, their roads might never cross again.

Hux could run, but he would rather be dead than hide from both Snoke and the Resistance, living alone, useless and forgotten, on some planet just on the edge of the known galaxy.

“You know Snoke better. Do you think he will kill me?”

“No.” Ren pats Hux’s stomach, like he wants to reassure him. It’s such an endearingly awkward gesture it almost makes Hux smile. “He may demote you, but you’re the destroyer of the Hosnian system: many consider you a hero in the First Order. Snoke must know that you can still be useful, even without the weapon.”

But Ren could be wrong. And he doesn’t know about Hux’s plan to become the Emperor of the galaxy: if the current Supreme Leader is somehow aware of it, it would make Snoke a complete idiot if he didn’t get rid of Hux now that he isn’t in possession of the planet-destroying weapon.

Hux doesn’t want to die. And he doesn’t want Ren to die. He has always known Ren _is_ useful to the First Order, even if he could have been a lot more careful with their equipment, stormtroopers and officers. And now, knowing how warm his hands are and how good his kisses taste, he feels sick thinking about Snoke sneering down at Ren’s ruined corpse.

“I don’t think you will die, either.” Hux turns around. He tries to smile at Ren. It can’t look too weird, because instead of frowning in confusion at Hux’s strange expression Ren smiles back, though it’s just a little smile. “There are very few people in the galaxy who are Force-sensitive, and you’re one of the strongest. You’re the leader of the knights. One lost duel is not the end of the world. Snoke won’t throw away his best apprentice unless he thinks you’re absolutely useless. And, though you certainly have your faults, I don’t think you’re useless.”

“Thank you.” Ren’s voice is softer than Hux could have ever imagined. His eyes are brown – he didn’t know that either. For five years, Ren was nothing but a faceless mask with a distorted voice and a few glimpses of his naked face, usually turned away too quickly to scrutinize. Now, Hux can look as much as he wants. “We might meet again. After my training is finished. Who can predict the will of the Force? When I fucked you, I felt neither the Dark gathering inside me, nor the call of the Light. But I felt pleasure, and I felt closer to you than ever before. Which, well, isn’t that hard, but still. I think that means that the Force wants to tell me this isn’t the last time we will see each other, and that later, together, we might become more powerful than ever before.”

Hux closes his eyes, trying to make sense of Ren’s words and finding it hard to think when he can see Ren’s face. But Ren just sounds ridiculous: he just fucked another person for the first time and it felt good and he interprets this as the proof that they have some great destiny together? Hux is glad that at least fucking his ass didn’t make Ren want to go back to the Light – Hux isn’t sure what that means, but from his vague knowledge about such Force things he thinks too much Light would mean Ren would abandon Snoke, and, more importantly, the First Order and Hux.

“I would like to see you again, too,” Hux admits.


End file.
